let me apologize up front
2day's post will b no normal skates family 7 weekend recap
instead, i'm going 2 use this forum 2 express my frustrations
to
bitch & moan
i'm sorry if my rant offends u, or puts a damper on ur day...but honestly, u should know by now that i'm not one 2 sugar coat things, or put up some fake every-thing-is-all-peachy-keen-here front
& u know that else?
it's my blog
so, if u're looking 4 puppies & flowers & sweet, happy thoughts...
u might want 2 check out some other blogs 2day
friday around lunch time, i started getting weird shakes/shivers...i was freezing & i'm NEVER cold - especially at work...my co-workers r usually giving me a hard time 4 wearing sleeveless shirts, while they're freezing
my ma (remember, we work 2gether) comes by & says i feel warm...i really don't think so - i feel feverish, but i don't really think i am & i don't want 2 go in2 the cancer center unless i know i have a fever...so she runs 2 rite aid 2 get a thermometer! ~lol~ gotta love mamas, right?!
sure enuff - even tho it's only 99.4, i still have a fever...so i call the cancer center & my oncologist asks me 2 go ahead & come in 4 some blood work
so i do, & my levels r ok...they say i must b trying 2 get a virus & i just need 2 keep an eye on my fever...if it gets above 100, i need 2 call em back
thankfully as i mentioned in my last post, the girls were already scheduled 4 an overnight & i knew jaden would b happy 2 veg in front of tv & video games all eve...& that he did! i literally walked in the door, threw my stuff down, threw some hamburger mac leftovers in the microwave 4 him & hit the sofa!
i fell in & out of sleep all eve...curtis would call & check on us from work, insisting he should just come home, but i didn't see the point...there wasn't much he could do 4 me...& jaden was happily keeping himself entertained, with me nearby
i didn't take my temp again, cause i didn't think i was feeling any hotter...just weak & cold & now having 2 use immodium AD as my best friend - ugh!
curtis got home & i was able 2 sit up & have a 1/2 way coherant conversation with him...he insisted we take my temp again & it was up to 102.3...he begged me 2 go in2 the cancer center, but i felt fine - actually, a little better than earlier & it was almost 2am! the last thing i wanted 2 do was pack jaden up & head in2 the cancer center in the middle of the night!
i know, i know - i've since, gotten a bitching from him, my ma, my sis, etc...i shoulda gone in2 the cancer center, u can't mess around with this stuff, blah, blah, blah - but i'm sorry, i just didn't
& sure enuff, i woke up saturday morning fever free! granted, i was still sick as a dog on my stomach (hello more multiple doses of immodium!), but i was no longer feverish
& that pretty much sums up my weekend...finally sunday eve, i was able 2 eat a moderate meal without feeling the need 2 hurl...but otherwise, i was laid up ALL WEEKEND! totally sick 2 my stomach, but the fever has stayed away
i didn't take 1 single pic, we didn't do 1 single thing that was the least little bit exciting...i laid around & felt nasty, while the kiddos did the best job EVER of playing 2gether & keeping each other occupied...big thx 2 ma 4 coming over sat eve with a roast & veggies - she took care of feeding the kiddos & even did dishes!
oh, u think the bitch & moan session is over?
HA!
as curtis was leaving 4 work 2day (& debating again, whether he should stay home 2 look after me or not), i was explaining 2 him that i'll b fine...that i think maybe i've finally hit a wall with all of this
that so far, it's been easy 2 b optimistic...2 know that all my treatments r passing quickly & that soon enuff i'll b done with all of this...the 1 thing i've heard from others, more than anything, is how positive i'm being...how i have such a great attitude
but now, it's really starting 2 wear on me
i literally get nauseous just walking in2 that cancer center, or even hearing the words "cancer" or "chemo"...i can't help it, it triggers something inside of me & makes me want 2 gag
i'm tired of waking up feeling sick
i'm tired of being tired
i'm tired of everyone asking "how r u feeling?"
i know they mean well, but seriously - i'm trying NOT 2 think about how i'm feeling
i'm tired of the mouth sores (yes, back again)
i'm tired of the funky bowel issues
i'm tired of my insides & out being so dry that not only my skin, but the insides of nostrils crack & bleed
i'm tired of being bald & having 2 worry about a scarf or hat when i walk out of the house...plus, i've always had a really sensitive head & get headaches very easily (i had 2 get a special earpiece at work, i can never wear ponytails 4 very long, etc.), & well, it seems even wearing hats & scarves 4 too long does the same thing 2 me
i'm tired of everything tasting like crap (can u believe i've even started disliking coffee because of this?!)
i'm tired of the veins in my arms literally aching & burning 4 weeks after chemo
i'm tired of the never ending heartburn
i'm tired of these achy joints & muscles that keep me awake at night
i'm tired of not being there 100% for my family
i'm just tired dammit!
2day's post will b no normal skates family 7 weekend recap
instead, i'm going 2 use this forum 2 express my frustrations
to
bitch & moan
i'm sorry if my rant offends u, or puts a damper on ur day...but honestly, u should know by now that i'm not one 2 sugar coat things, or put up some fake every-thing-is-all-peachy-keen-here front
& u know that else?
it's my blog
so, if u're looking 4 puppies & flowers & sweet, happy thoughts...
u might want 2 check out some other blogs 2day
friday around lunch time, i started getting weird shakes/shivers...i was freezing & i'm NEVER cold - especially at work...my co-workers r usually giving me a hard time 4 wearing sleeveless shirts, while they're freezing
my ma (remember, we work 2gether) comes by & says i feel warm...i really don't think so - i feel feverish, but i don't really think i am & i don't want 2 go in2 the cancer center unless i know i have a fever...so she runs 2 rite aid 2 get a thermometer! ~lol~ gotta love mamas, right?!
sure enuff - even tho it's only 99.4, i still have a fever...so i call the cancer center & my oncologist asks me 2 go ahead & come in 4 some blood work
so i do, & my levels r ok...they say i must b trying 2 get a virus & i just need 2 keep an eye on my fever...if it gets above 100, i need 2 call em back
thankfully as i mentioned in my last post, the girls were already scheduled 4 an overnight & i knew jaden would b happy 2 veg in front of tv & video games all eve...& that he did! i literally walked in the door, threw my stuff down, threw some hamburger mac leftovers in the microwave 4 him & hit the sofa!
i fell in & out of sleep all eve...curtis would call & check on us from work, insisting he should just come home, but i didn't see the point...there wasn't much he could do 4 me...& jaden was happily keeping himself entertained, with me nearby
i didn't take my temp again, cause i didn't think i was feeling any hotter...just weak & cold & now having 2 use immodium AD as my best friend - ugh!
curtis got home & i was able 2 sit up & have a 1/2 way coherant conversation with him...he insisted we take my temp again & it was up to 102.3...he begged me 2 go in2 the cancer center, but i felt fine - actually, a little better than earlier & it was almost 2am! the last thing i wanted 2 do was pack jaden up & head in2 the cancer center in the middle of the night!
i know, i know - i've since, gotten a bitching from him, my ma, my sis, etc...i shoulda gone in2 the cancer center, u can't mess around with this stuff, blah, blah, blah - but i'm sorry, i just didn't
& sure enuff, i woke up saturday morning fever free! granted, i was still sick as a dog on my stomach (hello more multiple doses of immodium!), but i was no longer feverish
& that pretty much sums up my weekend...finally sunday eve, i was able 2 eat a moderate meal without feeling the need 2 hurl...but otherwise, i was laid up ALL WEEKEND! totally sick 2 my stomach, but the fever has stayed away
i didn't take 1 single pic, we didn't do 1 single thing that was the least little bit exciting...i laid around & felt nasty, while the kiddos did the best job EVER of playing 2gether & keeping each other occupied...big thx 2 ma 4 coming over sat eve with a roast & veggies - she took care of feeding the kiddos & even did dishes!
oh, u think the bitch & moan session is over?
HA!
as curtis was leaving 4 work 2day (& debating again, whether he should stay home 2 look after me or not), i was explaining 2 him that i'll b fine...that i think maybe i've finally hit a wall with all of this
that so far, it's been easy 2 b optimistic...2 know that all my treatments r passing quickly & that soon enuff i'll b done with all of this...the 1 thing i've heard from others, more than anything, is how positive i'm being...how i have such a great attitude
but now, it's really starting 2 wear on me
i literally get nauseous just walking in2 that cancer center, or even hearing the words "cancer" or "chemo"...i can't help it, it triggers something inside of me & makes me want 2 gag
i'm tired of waking up feeling sick
i'm tired of being tired
i'm tired of everyone asking "how r u feeling?"
i know they mean well, but seriously - i'm trying NOT 2 think about how i'm feeling
i'm tired of the mouth sores (yes, back again)
i'm tired of the funky bowel issues
i'm tired of my insides & out being so dry that not only my skin, but the insides of nostrils crack & bleed
i'm tired of being bald & having 2 worry about a scarf or hat when i walk out of the house...plus, i've always had a really sensitive head & get headaches very easily (i had 2 get a special earpiece at work, i can never wear ponytails 4 very long, etc.), & well, it seems even wearing hats & scarves 4 too long does the same thing 2 me
i'm tired of everything tasting like crap (can u believe i've even started disliking coffee because of this?!)
i'm tired of the veins in my arms literally aching & burning 4 weeks after chemo
i'm tired of the never ending heartburn
i'm tired of these achy joints & muscles that keep me awake at night
i'm tired of not being there 100% for my family
i'm just tired dammit!
ps - pls don't worry, i'm still the same optimistic me - i know i'm over 1/2 way there & i'll b done soon...just give me this chance 2 vent my frustrations...m, k? thx!
12 comments:
You have EVERY reason to bitch and moan... I certainly don't mind. You deserve to, you are human, not everything can be roses and sunshine (you put up a good front though!). But you will get through it. We all know it.
Hoping this morning you are feeling a little better. Oddly enough I have had stomach issues since Friday also (continuign this am). I know others that have a stomach bug. Must be something passing around the Eastern US :)
You are so real and down-to-earth - that's what I appreciate about you. Thanks for just saying what's on your heart and mind. You're still amazing..no matter how you're feeling! :)
Sharon, HONESTLY, I'm soo glad to hear that there ARE things that are hard to handle, I've heard it is hard, but I don't pesonally know how hard, I guess this just brings it back to reality and lets us know how we can pray for you.
May God fill you with his strength and hope as you look to him when you are empty. May you find complete joy in Him alone.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Heb 15:13
Girl...it's about time we hear some bitching...LOL! I can't imagine how hard this is and you are handling it so well. I think you deserve a little venting time. Hope things are better this week!! XOXOXOXOXO
And I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore?!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
...danielle
God finally! I was starting to think you were Superwoman! Feel better soon!
I would have broken down a long long time ago. That's what the blog is for to vent, and we are all here to listen and support you.
Oh Sharon - I actually really appreciate and love this post. It's real and it's certainly VALID! I can't imagine how you must feel physically and emotionally. You have always amazed me though with the commitment you have continued to have to your family through all of this and if you feel you're not giving them 100% then you must be giving them only 99.9%! :)
Feel better and keep that eternal perspective that I know you have!
OK, OK, quit your bitching ;) You know we love you more than words can say. You have every right to bitch. It show's you are human and not from planet krypton after all. LOL You are still my hero.
Love ya doll and hope you are feeling better. Hey, do you think if you ate metal it would taste like food? *wink*
Hey! you know what? you are allowed to feel like this! you don't always have to be the upbeat and positive one - and I feel like you - I am not going to make my blog all about the happy crap and pretend the bad stuff never happens - it does and I will complain about it if I want to -
You are a brave soul and a great example for me - I am sorry you feel like crap - I can't imagine - i don't know that I could do what you are doing -
Love and hugs from northern va - Karen
Sharon--((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you got so sick, on top of the chemo effects! You're one of the toughest people I know.....so, bitch, moan, groan--you deserve it--ummmm--you're fighting cancer AND the stomach flu!!
Have you ever used aquaphor? It's great on cracked skin--sorta like vasoline, but not so greasy.....you can rub it on your finger tips and "pick your nose..." ;o) to get it up there.... I remember my friend, who I nannied for when she was going through chemo/radiation, had the same issues w/ her skin.
Also, re: your mouth sores--I just learned something new from my boy's dentist...this is HORRIBLE....we all get sores in our mouths a lot-he said all three of us have different types of sores...lovely--but he handed me a tube of toothpaste that is "non-foaming"--he said the "sud-ser" factor/ingredient in toothpaste is the same as the suds ingredient used in detergent (OMG!!!)--and this is a non-sudsing toothpaste. Haven't had to use it yet, w/ sores, but he swears by it, for himself too and says that the sores can heal faster, when not irritated by the suds of brushing. He said you can get it at CVS/Walgreens, etc. It's called: CloSYS-Complete Oral Health System. Maybe, if you can get your hands on that, it can help ease the discomfort of the sores, when you brush. Any type of relief, has got to be comforting, huh?
Hang in there....you're in my prayers...and since it's been a week since you posted this, I hope things are looking UP!
thx everyone! i love u guys!!!
♥ ♥ ♥
shanna - too funny about the metal...maybe i should give it a try! ;0)
mama j - i'm definitely picking up both the aquaphor (soooo what i need - vaseline, without the grease) & the non-foaming toothpaste...brushing my teeth burns so bad when the sores r there - so i definitely know what u're talking about! thx sooooo much 4 the tips!
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